


Fade Away

by limjaeseven



Series: Verse 2 [8]
Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Album: Verse 2, Letters, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Sad Im Jaebum | JB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:35:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29237679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limjaeseven/pseuds/limjaeseven
Summary: Jinyoung reads Jaebeom's last words to him after he's gone.Verse 2: Part 8 of 8
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Series: Verse 2 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2132364
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	Fade Away

**Author's Note:**

> VERSE 2 IS OVER! We made it, y'all. I'm sad that it's over but I'm also proud that I was able to complete it. It's probably the work I'm most proud of. Thank you for reading and supporting this series.

To Jinyoung,

If you’re reading this it means either you’ve become an expert at sneaking into my room and finding my things, which should be concerning cause there’s a lot of food there; or I’m dead. I can see you cringing from here, Jinyoungie but it’s time you accept it. I had fought the idea a lot when I was young, especially after I met you, that one day I won’t wake up to see your beautiful smile when I reached school. But as I grew older, I realised, there is no point in fighting it, it’s going to happen, it’s just about when.

Where I know already, I just finished booking the tickets for Hokkaido as I write this, yes there were only three of them and I was the one that made sure you didn’t notice that. I’ve had a lot of time to think in the past few years, especially between our two fights and I’ve realised that there was a part of my life that I hid from you that you deserve to know about, so this is my last confession. My thoughts, my experiences, my life, put in this journal that my mom gave to me for my birthday this year. I think she also knew I wouldn’t last long.

If you look through the bag, there should be an mp3 player and earphones in it. Put them on and scroll till you find a folder named ‘Verse 2’. I want you to read this while you listen to that.

While we’re on the subject I should address the music. You may have gone through my computer and seen all of them there but just in case you haven’t, I started writing music around the same time we were working on Icarus. The score for the film was the first piece I ever wrote, and after that I just poured all my emotions into it. Why did I never tell you about it? Honestly a mix of fear and insecurity. No one other than me has ever heard these songs, well apart from you, now. I didn’t know what I was doing and I was scared you wouldn’t like it.

The album you’re listening to, was one I wrote while thinking about you, about us and what we’ve been through over the last two decades. I’ve never been good at expressing my emotions but I hope this works.

So, there are a lot of things to talk about so I’m going to write them down as systematically as I can but I will likely ponder and go on tangents that make no sense so apologies from the very beginning.

Cancer. So yeah, I’m sure you know by now, at least I hope you’re not reading this before I’m dead otherwise I’m getting my ass murdered tonight. But yeah, I’ve basically known my entire life that I was never gonna last long. My parents didn’t expect me to make it to age 5, let alone 25. It was something that I just had to deal with and there was just so much pity and I hated every bit of it. That was, until I met you. In the beginning I didn’t want you to pity me so I never told you. As time went on I realised I couldn’t hurt you like that. I couldn’t break your heart as you talked about how we’d grow old together.

Those four months, during your first movie shoot, I was hospitalised and basically out for most of it. Seulgi blocked your number in that state of panic and even though I don’t blame her for it, I couldn’t be with her anymore, knowing that she hurt you. Don’t blame yourself for blaming me, it was my decision to not tell you and let you think I ignored you just like that.

There is one more thing I need to talk about here which is probably going to make you hate me, more than you do by this time. Remember when we fought in high school, I started drinking? Well turns out I lost close to five years of my life thanks to that. I remember thinking ‘Jinyoung is going to kill me if he ever finds out’, not that I didn’t have five more years to live. I was always ready to go, but I only wanted to stay for you, to see you smile, to see you happy, that was all I wanted.

I know you’re probably blaming yourself for everything you ever did but Jinyoungie, know that I never blamed you and I never will. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and the only regret I have is that I didn’t get to spend every moment of my short life with you.

There are so many things I want to talk about but there’s no way for me to put them into words. I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for being such a horrible hyung, I’m sorry for leaving.

I know you’re hurting right now, and I wish I could take all the pain away, but I can’t. So instead I’m going to tell you that I love you, I always have and I always will. You are my world, Jinyoung, I don’t think I’d have made it this far without you by my side. Take care of yourself for me, and know I’m going to be looking at every move you make from up in the sky, so make sure you don’t mess up.

I don’t know how to end this, I wanted to say a lot more but I just don’t know how to verbalise those thoughts and feelings I have. Tell my parents I love them, please. I’m going to miss you a lot.

Love,

Jaebeom. 

**Author's Note:**

> Any kudos and comments are much appreciated. Follow me on [Tumblr.](https://limjaeseven.tumblr.com/%E2%80%9D)


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